And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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