9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
