Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
