Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
After last night, I could never be a politician.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Randomize
