come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
