In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
