I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
