His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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