so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
