I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
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somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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