He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
