she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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