...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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