He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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