I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize