OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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