didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got inside last night via doggy door
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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