i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
