but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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