Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
