Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
