You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
