Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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