xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
