They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
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It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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