A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
