Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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