I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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