And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
