I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We talked him into tasing himself.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
