Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
