the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
