He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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