I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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