I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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