apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
