My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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