They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
