I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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