She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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