life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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