this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
