My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
