Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
