The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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