You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
