Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
