I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
