So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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