He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
