we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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