you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
