I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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