I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
