my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
