Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
