Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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