He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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