Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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