She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
