I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
